I have a confession to make: a teeny part of me is glad that Ryan is out of town this week. Yes, it sucks that we just got married and he is off inspecting levees in western Kansas and I am at home with just the cat for company, but I get to work/write/blog as much as I want without feeling guilty for neglecting my spouse. I haven’t been terribly productive these past couple of months, and perhaps I have an excuse, but freelancers don’t always have the luxury of taking it easy. Now with the wedding behind me, it’s time to focus on my freelancing again if I ever want to really do this full time. That means applying for more gigs, and using my work hours wisely, and staying focused.
Just now it hit me that I’ve been trying to alter my natural productivity schedule, and it hasn’t been working. I am a night owl. I’ve always been a night owl. I wrote my best college paper at 2:00 in the morning. Though I can be fairly focused between 9:00 am and noon, the truth is, I am lousy in the afternoon. And I’ve been trying to force myself to be productive during “normal” business hours so that I can spend time with Ryan in the evenings. I know he hates it when I spend the entire evening in front of the computer, leaving him to entertain himself with the DVR. I usually try to work when he’s at the gym or at jiu jitsu, but that still doesn’t leave me with enough time to accomplish everything I need or want to do. Right now, it’s 8:15, and I’m writing this blog post, and my head is buzzing with ideas for other projects, and I’m feeling motivated to apply for more gigs, and I have three more articles I planned on finishing for a client to meet my daily quota.
I’m not sure what to do about it. Continue to try to force myself into a schedule that isn’t working? Make a pot of coffee and stay up late, knowing I’ll be worthless in the morning? Ryan is slated for three more trips over the next two months, and I’m hoping I can use the time to tap into my natural reserves of productivity. Maybe this is exactly what I need: the chance to get into a routine, and then shift that routine into different hours, rather than the other way around. I’m interested to see how it works out.
I’m a night owl too and my husband works a 9-5 job. I try to get up when he does every day and work while he is at work so we can have our evenings together. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t – I just get on a roll at night. Luckily (I feel guilt for saying that too!) he travels for work often, so when he is gone I work late into the night, I can’t help it!
When Ryan is at the gym or jiu jitsu, does he feel guilty he is not with you? Why do you when the role is reversed? Or why does he when the situation is yours…if indeed he does? (“I know he hates it when I spend the entire evening in front of the computer, leaving him to entertain himself with the DVR.”)
You cannot be responsible for the happiness of another, Karen. Only your own. Time spent fulfilling yourself, even if it is alone time, does not dilute your relationship. It feeds it.
Be careful of that trap. It’s one I was in for many years and it sucks life out of you.
You are a writer. You have to write.
I always feel like that too! That’s why I do a lot of client work on weekend mornings when H is still sleeping in or if he’s out with friends, I’ll occasionally stay home. I think it’s totally natural to want to be your significant other when you are both home.