The nature of success

I realize that my blog has been neglected since its inception. It’s not that I don’t have things to write about; I have been researching and contemplating many interesting topics lately that are definitely deserving of a post. But I also have ridiculously high self-imposed standards that dictate that every post must be thoroughly researched and perfectly constructed, which may be contrary to the very nature of blogs in general, and a free-spirited, naturally themed blog in particular. So with that in mind, here is a less self-conscious look at some of the things that have been occupying my thoughts lately.

I am keenly aware that I am rapidly approaching the age of 34 and I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. This doesn’t bother me too much, since I have a lot of interests and feel that I could be happy in a variety of roles. But I have been contemplating the existence of that “dream job” … what is it? Does it really exist? Will I ever find it? And does finding it have more to do with diligence and luck than with actual skills? Is there really something out there that could blend my skills with my interests (and pay me a decent salary)? When I was in my twenties, I felt that my job title defined me. I hated telling people when they asked — and they always ask — that I was an administrative assistant, or “I’m temping right now, but ….” I felt that people would see me as successful only if I had an impressive, coveted job title. Now I am beginning to think that maybe what I do is less important than where I do it. I know I want my next job to be with an organization that is socially and environmentally responsible. A company that gives back, uses sustainable resources, and tries to make the world a better place. And maybe, just maybe, I would feel a greater sense of purpose working for a company like that, even if I were “just an administrative assistant.” Sometimes I kick myself that I didn’t continue in some sort of development work after my service in the Peace Corps. Fresh off a stint in the global do-gooder organization, maybe I should have taken a job — any job — in the non-profit sector and explored other causes I could have become passionate about. Instead, I wanted a creative role, and opted for a job in marketing. I bounced around in entry-level jobs for a number of years after that, trying to find something more meaningful. Now I’m in marketing again, and yes, this time I’m working for a non-profit organization. But I couldn’t say that I’m passionate about what I do, or that my company’s values reflect my own.

I was proud of myself in college for choosing a major (creative writing) that I loved and that I was good at, even though it didn’t offer a clear career path. Ten years later, sometimes I wonder if I made the right choice. I often think I would have been a good psychologist. Or maybe my passion for reproductive freedom would have made me a good candidate for a sexual health educator. Maybe it’s not too late to change my career path or my field, but doing so at this point in my life would require a lot of hard work and more than a few sacrifices, which I’m not sure I’m ready for right now.

But then there is the even more drastic thought that maybe success is less about what I do or where I do it than who I am. After years of feeling like I needed to be something different, something better, I have never felt more comfortable in my own skin. I know what is important to me and my life reflects that. My diet, my lifestyle, how I spend my time and who I spend it with — all of these things have been scrutinized and modified over the past few years, so that now my life bears little resemblance to the life I was living in my twenties. With my commitment to living a more natural, sustainable lifestyle, I know that every decision I make, no matter how small, takes me closer to that goal. So even if I don’t know exactly where I’m going in my career, I know my life is headed in the right direction. And that may be more success than many people ever get to experience.